Some people hunger for food, and some people hunger for love.

I was apparently hungering for love. Apart from my almost-blacked-out-while-driving-home-from-work-binge of 6 Chips Ahoy cookies, I have been so very good. :]

Today I had:

~ 5 Cups of Natural Green Tea (Speeds your metabolism!!)

~ 1 Large Diet Coke at McD's

~ 1/2 of a sliced kiwi

~ And a few bites of a doughnut to appease my mother... She's too smart for her own good.

So that's been my food for the day. I'm feeling empty and pure and strong. D and I have been talking all night. I like this kid and I guess I'm partially doing this for him. I want to be so perfect for him.

I went to hot yoga tonight with my mother (I don't recommend it if you're prone to fainting. I got super light headed) and we ran into D on his way out of the gym from playing basketball. He kissed me and looked so good and I felt better in my yoga pants because I've lost almost 5 pounds so far.

Now I'm doing homework and contemplating self-control. I wrote 'control' on my wrist today, and it reminds me that empty is strong, empty is good. If I stay in control, then I will be perfect.

xoxo,

Ivie

Guess Who's Back??

I'm back, I'm full-speed-ahead, I'm inspired.

Over the winter I gained SOMUCHWEIGHT. I made myself sick, daily. Over the summer, I lost a little but not enough; never enough. But now I'm back because of one thing: I'm in love. He's incredible, he's inspiring, and he is all mine for now. Obviously it's not really love, but I'll take all the inspiration I can get.

I started eating a little less on Thursday (6 days ago) to slim down a little for Homecoming on Saturday. But once my body recognized that process from so long ago, it got hooked again. Now I've fallen into the old pattern, the same old song and dance. Somehow I'm okay with it.

I haven't eaten anything seriously substantial in days. I've been hungry, but it comes and it goes and I feel so strong. It's wonderful, this feeling of accomplishment.

I'm going to stick with this, I can feel it. Every time I automatically reach for something, I think "Will he love me if I'm fat?" and I can abstain. I know it's illogical, but he must, will, is going to love me more when I am skinny.

I've lost a few pounds already, and I can really tell. My stomach is flatter, my waist in tinier, my arms are thinner.

Nothing tastes as good as this feels.

I've been running with my cross country team, and so far I've been okay. I want to keep at this, because I am strong enough to do this and make people envy me.

He and I have been dancing around each other for weeks. But we both know what's going to happen. Trust me, I'm not delusional. I don't chase after things out of my reach, ever. I like him, more than anything. I'll let you know when we're official. He'll appreciate my task at hand.

I'll be posting more. I missed this too much.

Stay strong, xoxo,

IVIE